Don Riesett

Little’s first and final family vacation.

TP: Hi, Little Man. You look a bit disheveled today.

LM: Really? Imagine that…what with me just back from vacation.

TP: Vacation?

LM: Yeah. Mom and dad decided to treat me to a long weekend at the beach with them. You know, I only ever leave home to visit the vet’s office, so you can imagine my anxiety at the thought of a road trip. Nonetheless, mom and dad felt bad, leaving me all alone every other weekend during the summer, with only the occasional pop-ins from that drill sergeant wannabe and the Snow White lady to prepare my meals, tidy up the gentlemen’s lounge, and offer a bit of companionship. So this particular weekend, off we were all going to go together. Big fun!

TP: Sounds very thoughtful of your parents.

LM: Thoughtful? You think? What part of I’m a cat and cats don’t like their environments changed do you suppose they thought about? Or how about that three-hour car ride to get there?

TP: A bit long for your tastes?

LM: More like a bit long for my bladder. What are these people…camels? No stops. None. »Read More

TP: Come in, Little Man. You seemed upset on the phone. Why the special session?

LM: Got a giant bug up my butt, doc. Thought I better talk it out before I tear somebody’s nose off.

TP: What’s up?

LM: They’re messin’ with mom, is what! You know, it’s one thing for me to mess with mom, give her a hard time, play hard to get, torment her with how I like dad best…you know, stuff like that. But heck, that’s all in good fun—it’s just what makes our relationship ours. You only kid the ones you love, right doc? And I love the lady. You know that!

TP: I do.

LM: Anybody else messes with her, though…that’s a whole other deal. And this particular situation has really got my whiskers flairin’.

TP: Is this about the animal thing? I saw something in the paper the other day. »Read More

Not just another cat.

TP: Come on in, Little Man. What are you chuckling about?

LM: Oh, I was just sitting there in the waiting room thinking about mom’s latest project.

TP: Regarding you?

LM: Yeah. She’s tracking my vocabulary…what words I know. Can you believe it? I swear, doc, sometimes she acts like I’m just another cat.

TP: Hmm. What did she come up with so far?

LM: Well, predictably, the word “NO” tops her list. That, by itself, tells you the list has no basis in reality. I mean, she writes that word down like it’s some grand accomplishment…like, when I say NO to Little Man, he knows I mean business.

TP: You don’t see it that way?

LM: PLEASE, doc! When she says NO to me, it means, just a minute…soon…I’ll need a hug first—conditionals rather than absolutes. Know what I mean?

TP: In other words, you’re going to get what you want, it just might require a bit more provocation on your part?

LM: Right, doc. Knowing NO is not the same as accepting NO as anything other than the first, and may I say, very tenuous stage of a volley that will quickly evolve to OK, just this one time.

TP: Sounds like she’s spoiled you, Little Man.

LM: I prefer to think she finds my persuasive charms irresistible.

TP: Uh-huh. What else is on the vocabulary list? »Read More

The chipmunks are coming. The chipmunks are coming.

TP: Do I note a bit of a bounce in your step today, Little?

LM: I believe you do, doc. It is April, you know.

TP: Yes, the greening of spring has begun.

LM: And the chipmunks will soon be on the run!

TP: Hmm. Looking forward to the chase, are you?

LM: The chase, the culinary rewards and, of course, going for a new personal best. You know, last fall, I had two (count ‘em) hat trick days…three chippies captured on the same day and carefully laid out for dad’s admiration. The old guy was downright giddy about it. Imagine what he’d do if I hit a foursome?

TP: Well, good luck with that. But I’d keep that trick under your hat unless you want to alienate that “Snow White” lady friend of yours. I recall getting a concerned letter from her after she read about your hunting escapades last year.  Asked if I was running some sort of Hannibal Lecter apprenticeship here.

LM: Yeh, she’s a bit over the top, that one. Fails to acknowledge the beneficial exercise involved for yours truly, and that we only have about two hundred of the little Chip & Dales running around the property. Somebody’s gotta cull the herd.

TP: Yes, well, just sayin’. Anyway, how was Easter?

LM: Pretty good, but I can’t help wondering how the rabbits got that gig. I mean, Easter’s about religion, candy, and eggs. What do rabbits have to do with any of that? Still, each year, everybody hops down the bunny trail. Kittens are just as cute and bouncy. And you know I could do a What’s up, doc? as good as that carrot-chompin’ Bugs Dummy character.

TP: Is that what bugs, sorry, bothers you? That cats don’t have an iconic role model?

LM: Icons? We’ve got my boy, Garfield. He’s cool.  But Sylvester–always getting outwitted by a bird named Tweety. Tweety!!! And Tom, who’s been chasing the same stupid mouse for, what, 75 years. Loser. And that Dr. Seuss—best he could come up with was to put a cat in a floppy hat, spoutin’ rhymes? Ugh. Yeah, I think we’re a little thin for icons. So it goes. »Read More

Little’s mom suggests a special session.

TP: Didn’t expect to see you today, Little Man. Had you scheduled for next week.

LM: Right, doc. Blame it on mom.

TP: Yes, she seemed upset when she called. What happened?

LM: A home invasion. That’s what happened.

TP: Home invasion?

LM: Yep. Thursday night. She called a meeting for her animal thing. Drumming up support for some event or other. About 25 people posted…all women. Well, one guy. Think he was with this seriously pregnant woman—looked like she might drop the kid at any second. Not sure if he was the designated driver or an EMT.

TP: OK, so your mom had a meeting. What about it?

LM: Well, two things right off the bat. One, they’re “animal people” which is good and bad. Good, because they’re all committed to helping the homeless and abused of my brethren. Bad, because they’ve all heard mom yak about me, and she (and they) expected me to be some sort of entertainment centerpiece.

TP: Hmm. And the second thing?

LM: Pretty much all of these women know mom…and they know the line between mom’s meetings and mom’s parties is a zigzag of powdery chalk with a bottle of white at every zig, a fine red at every zag, and tasty hors d’oeuvres laid out along the route. In other words, these women came for a little meeting and a lot of party.

TP: So? You’re a smart guy. I’d have thought you’d just find a quiet corner of the house and lay low.

LM: Did that at first, but I couldn’t really relax because what I haven’t told you is that they were “meeting” in my space.

TP: (Chuckles.) I thought it was ALL your space.

LM: True, but I always have a flavor-of-the-month sweet spot…and they were in this month’s spot! They literally circled their wagons in the room that has my scratch box, my fave catnip things, and my absolute best sleeping chair. I couldn’t relax, wondering what kind of havoc they might be wreaking on my stuff, you know?

TP: So you entered the fray. »Read More